Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Wishing Upon Time

Juggling between tutions, homework and sleep, there's hardly any time left for me to do what I love..
To read, write and the most important one, spend time with the people I love. I'm just 21. I don't work.. I just study. I don't tweet as much as I used to, I dont blog as much as I used to.. I don't read enough blogs and always forget to think of something to comment on the ones that I read regularly. I'm always running out of time..  there are soo many things piled up that I wish to do, I wanna find time to go for a walk each morning, I wannna find time to study more and study better, I wanna find time to sleep the needed 10 hours sleep ( yes, I NEED that much sleep..) I wanna watch all the great movies I've downloaded, I wanna listen more good music each day..But there's never enough time to do it all.

Briefing up here the things I would love to do if only I had two more hours a day..

Being the one who gets tired very easy and quick (blame Anemia!), I've always avoided visiting my grandparents who live far away from  home. After moving out from the paternal house 10 years ago, I could barely ever find time to visit my grandparents. The only time I'd meet them would be either when they'd come home or on festivals and special occasions. First it was school and the pressure of doing well in the exams that kept me hooked with books all day long. After school got over, the long college hours replaced the former reason of not visiting the grandparents very often. The weekends would be spent either taking a break from the tiring week or catching up on movies and tv shows. and even before I'd realize, it'd be Monday again..! After college got over, the sudden pressure of "what now" had me so much engrossed in myself and other things that I rarely noticed I had a family to meet.

Last month my grandfather expired, and being the eldest grand daughter I was expected to stay there for a few days. Losing a person I was so close to during my childhood was sure enough heartbreaking for me.. but I was so stunned that I couldn't even let out the pain and cry. My eyes went dry. I kept on thinking  "What was missing?" ..Later I found the answer to the question that kept me up all night. Over these 10 years, I somehow lost the bond between me and pa. I had almost forgotten all the little things about him..I'd forgotten how he would take me for a walk every evening and treat me with ice cream, how he would scold anyone who made me cry, how he would listen to me reciting the poems I learnt in school.. I only have faint memories now.. and that hurts me like a knife! I blame myself for not finding enough time to keep in touch with the people I care for. After pa was gone I realized how extremely brief this life is.. and what am I doing if I can't even find time to do what I love! I know I can't turn back time.. But if I get something extra of it, I'd surely know how to spend it. I made a schedule for myself last month, thinking I would work to make it work..(and sadly its in a bad status..) 

I would visit my paternal family, my grandmother and the uncles and their families every Saturday. Staying at the paternal house for a few days I realized I don't even know much things about my cousins! I don't even remember how adorable my grandmother is.. I'm no longer my aunt's favorite  niece to spend time with.. I must visit them often and feel like a family again. Why shouldn't I when there's not a single thing that's wrong or doesn't fit?! Similarly the Sundays are to be spent with the maternal cousins.. I hate the fact how i'm the only one who's missing all the hangout sessions with the kids who're pretty much grown up now, however young they might be to me ;)

I got back to reading this October. I'd been an avid reader till 12th grade, then college squeezed out all my time and I sailed far away from the literary world. After getting free from all the customary rituals post grandpa's funeral, I ordered 10 books from flipkart. The ones I've always wanted to read but kept on putting off for later. I suddenly realized the later never comes. But the problem comes when I start reading.. I lose the track of time which puts a lot of other things off track! Either I forget to revise the notes or I miss on a chunk of sleep which results in getting up late the next morning and a continued disrupted cycle.

Talking about writing, I get the most brilliant ideas either while i'm driving or when i'm in the shower. Since I tend to be a last minute person, I forget the wonderful  thoughts right after I step out of the shower or get home! I sometimes remember a bit and do note points that strike my head in the middle of an ongoing lecture but then, I can never find enough time to sit back and just write and that gets so annoying, I start to hate myself for it!

AND, four years ago, I started with Urdu lessons after my mom insisted although I wanted to learn Spanish first. The classes were fine during the summer break but when the school session began, I started taking it as a burden and then eventually discontinued. I loved learning Urdu and I loved how my writing was getting better each day.. but being out of practice made me forget all the important things. Thus, I can only read the easy peasy words or just write names. I want to go back to learning Urdu and after that, I wanna start learning Spanish.. but DAMN! No Time.

I know I whine much and I could find some fractions of spare time if only I had an uber systematic schedule.. but
1. I'm weak and  lazy.
2. Schedules are boring!
3. I don't have time to make a schedule on how to spend all my time :P

When thinking about two extra hours during bed time.. I was so lost in the Land of Thoughts that it started to seem almost real! I've already made out the plans. Now I just need those precious 120 minutes in my life that would stand out in the entire day. In a week, I would spend one hour on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for Language Lessons, One hour on Tuesday and Thursday for writing. The other One Hour goes into reading every day.. the two hours of saturday would be for visiting the paternal family and the two on sunday for the maternals! Perfect plan.. ta-da! half problem solved. Now managing the rest 24 hours.. uh well, i'd rather let them pass just like usual. They're too much to manage at once :P

I wish I can always..

And oh! there's this one song I usually listen in the mornings.. helps me get rid of guilt since i'm Always Running Out Of Time !

Thanks to Indiblogger and Surf Excel Matic #GetSmart Contest for making me dream a weird dream..getting two extra hours a day!

I would really wanna know if you're a reader, a writer or just another curious creature who wants to learn new languages but can never manage to find the time! And if you're the unique super punctual person who live a very systematic life then please share your secret time management tricks with me ;)


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